Wednesday, April 28, 2010

saints and sinners

"Sometimes the truth is not enough, sometimes the people deserve better." These words by batman at the very end of The Dark Knight just don't leave me. For the past hour or so, I'm thinking about them, non-stop. You know, I watched this movie for the first time today. Ever since it has been released, people have been asking me if i have watched. I would reply no, rather shame-facedly.

Everyone would talk about how good the movie is, its action sequences, Heath Ledger's acting, the gadgets etc. What nobody mentions is the ideas, the image it portrays of our society. The facts that we so easily forget. Sure, i liked all these things, the special effects the acting. But what touches me most about the movie are these final lines. They are the true spirit of the story. We just can't appreciate how condescending we as a society are. What we all think together, we deem it right undeservingly. Mostly, we take these decisions in our selfishness, or our greed. Who gave us the right to decide for ourselves what's right and what's wrong. What we have the right to do is to learn.

This movie also reminds me how fickle we are in our beliefs. One moment we deem someone a hero, the other we deem him to be the cause of all trouble. How quickly, we change. Its almost amazing how hypocritical we are. Look at our parents, one moment they'll be preaching honesty the next you can hear them telling their bosses that they aren't well. In school we're taught not to break laws, on our way home our parents jump the red light. Why can't we be better ? If not for ourselves, then for our children. But this plea has been made thousands, no millions of times in the past. To what effect ?? We, humans are still where we started. Many inspirational people have come and gone, but we as a race of intelligent beings are still there. If we can't learn from our mistakes, our faulty decisions, then we have no right to call ourselves intelligent.

I'll give you an example. All through our lives, we are asked "what ambition do you have in life ??". All through our childhood, we are made to swear by God. More correctly to swear by religion. Yet all the religions in this world ask us to leave worldly pleasure. Read the writings of any prominent religions. In each of them you'll find our Gods preaching simplicity, non-attachment, non-violence. But we don't seem to have learnt anything.

This brings me to another question. Are all these religions a facade ?? Were these people like Jesus Christ, Gautam Buddha or Mahavira all fraud ?? Perhaps, they were more like us than we think. Perhaps they were all motivated by just one goal - power. You can't deny that these people were the most powerful people in their times. Jesus Christ is arguably, but undeniably the most famous person to ever walk this planet. His legacy lives on till today. Perhaps they manipulated the masses into believing something that wasn't true. But i don't believe that. I believe that these people were the real thing, whose teachings have been lost in the sands of time, perhaps because of people who saw their own power over the masses deplete. But whatever may be the reason, these religions have no relevance today. They are well past their expiry date. If any of these individuals would have saw the things that are being done in their name, they would lose their sanity, suffer nervous breakdowns and i don't know what else.

Again its our fickle mentality at work. One century Jesus Christ is termed a messiah, the next century, in the same land he is termed a heretic. This is all too relevant in today's world. People in Iraq or Afghanistan welcomed the armies with open arms when they liberated these countries. Now, they blame them for their misery. They blame the armies for the communal hatred prevalent in these countries. The public memory is so short lived that nothing good can happen anywhere. As soon as an event becomes a month old, we forget all about it. Then how can we learn ?? What's worse is that the people who first supported the invasions claiming them to be victories of democracy, now denounce them. Are we so fickle that we can't stand by our own principles ??

A very big debate in our times has been that we don't have any heroes. We don't have anyone to look upto. To be inspired by. Well, we do have heroes, we just don't recognise them. Even when we do recognise them, we forget the reasons due to which we considered them heroes.

Look at Gandhiji, look at Bhagat Singh. There are countless others. They were all heroes in their time. They were all messiahs but we forget. Now all we do to remember them is drag them into controversies, just for our own 15 minutes of fame and forget the good they have done, no matter how different their methods were. Then we say we don't have heroes. They are all around us. Look at even someone as "inconsequential" as Sachin Tendulkar. He is a hero to every wannabe cricketer. Everyone admires how he plays fearlessly, not at all afraid of the cricket ball. Not afraid that he might die if he is hit in the wrong place. You know what, he probably is afraid in the back of his mind. But he has learnt to be not afraid. He has learnt to face every ball and has worked hard to get an amount of skill so that he doesn't get hurt. He is probably afraid that he would let down a billion people if he gets out on a duck but still he plays. This is why we all like him. Not because he has gotten so many runs, but the way he has got them. We also forget that when he's on 99, the whole country is united in praying for his hundred. You see ?? He has managed to do what no other person throughout the history of mankind has been able to do, he has united India physically and mentally. You still think he isn't a hero ??

In Hover Car Racer, Matthew Reilly says, "A hero is not someone who isn't afraid, a hero is someone who does his job even while he's afraid and does it wonderfully. He has loads of expectations, loads of pressure but his feet don't crumble under him. Thats what makes him a hero....". So all we need to do is find our heroes and follow their paths. They are all around us, if we care to find them. Look at our Prime Minister for example, or at the President of the United States. They've got loads of people who are criticising them, calling them incompetent, calling them weak, calling them wimps. All they have to do is say, "i've had enough let somebody else run this country", and give in their resignations. But they don't, only because they believe they can change something, and not because they like people at their beck and call. They still hold on, and they try to do the best they can. And yes, its none of their own fault that their plans or their ideas don't see the light of day, its because of lesser souls who don't understand the number of people they have to keep happy. Its because of lesser souls who want nothing but power, and those who don't give a damn about the country, just give a damn about ruling it. Ask any of these people to step in these chairs, they will find out how difficult these jobs are. They'll find it how hard it is to keep a billion people happy. These people are heroes. Just as Mahatma Gandhi and Bhagat Singh and Jesus Christ were. We may not accept it but in these people we place our hope for a change for the better.So, i say hats off to you guys, you are the real heroes.

See, how it is. See how batman is connected to our lives. He is not a figment of our imaginations, he represents hope. Every superhero represents hope, every one of them represents a messiah. No matter how wrong their methods are, they give us hope that there is a God somewhere and he cares for us. He sends us heroes who we can follow and be inspired by. And our leaders are these heroes(some of them). They may not have super powers, they may make mistakes, but they are still heroes. So, we don't ever have the right to say we need heroes, they are all around us, we just need to find them.

*I'd love to read somebody's anybody's views on this. Please comment. And add yourselves as followers if you like what you read.

Monday, April 26, 2010

idiot

AIEEE over and i'm still where i was before, i.e. nowhere. Yeah i had a chance with the paper, like always. And like always, it was no chance at all because of me not preparing for it. I just can't seem to get hold of the reason why i can't study or rather don't want to study.

I sure have a theory, and like every other theory i've ever formulated, its probably bullshit. Well, i think my aversion to studying stems from the fact that all i can remember about home is being told to study. Constantly without a break for the past ten years or so. So, i've started to hate the very idea of studying. You know like some guy starts hating his job after working for years and getting no credit for what he does.

Whats worse is that i'm sad. Theoretically, i should be happy that i'm doing what i want to but i'm not. Another theory goes to hell. As always, i've got another theory to explain that. I think that not studying is not exactly what i want to do. I do want to study. Not in the normal sense of the word maybe but i do have that thirst for knowledge that everyone deems necessary (another theory disproved, i'm getting good at this). I want to know about things, about people, about different places, beliefs, cultures and history. But it all is so painfully reminiscent of studying in school that i don't do it. Not through established channels at least.

I try to find out about stuff indirectly. Like by reading fiction. I believe that fiction is the kind of literature that is the closest to reality. Oxymoronic, isn't it ?? But i learn enough from fiction to feel satisfied. Directly, i try to learn about stuff that's not taught in school. That includes everything i do on the internet. All of this immensely pisses off my parents greatly and that gives me immense satisfaction. I am evil ain't i ?

Anyway, today dad had a new theory too. He said that if i graduated through a good college i wouldn't have to explain to people that i'm not an idiot. Another reason not to try to get into a good college. I'm sick of people thinking that i'm an incarnate of einstein or something. Frankly, i'm just fine with the concept of everybody thinking that i'm an idiot. I wouldn't have to prove anything to anybody. And it would keep everybody's egos satisfied that they are smarter than somebody. Since nobody in this world appreciates sanctity of pure knowledge, i'll be most happy to keep it to myself.

A couple of posts ago, i had quoted metallica's broken, beat and scarred, hoping that the prophecy comes true. But it has fulfilled itself only partly. The rise again part has not fulfilled itself. But i guess its fine, i do feel a li'l stronger from within. Like a surge of energy is pulsing through my veins (you know thats bullshit, right ??).

So, what am i doing now ?? For all its worth, i think i'm just talking to myself. In written. And i feel happy. Like i used to feel some time ago. Yeah, those were good days. I didn't know the pleasures of companionship, and conversely didn't know the pain of loneliness. But now here i am, plunging down this dark, deep abyss which ends at insanity (i guess), hoping against hope that someone holds out a helping hand to rescue me out of this shit. Somehow, i've held on to this one hope and that is all i can say is truly mine.

And again i've rambled on.. I'm just assuming that whoever's reading this has nothing better to do, so you wouldn't mind my rambling on like this but still i apologise. I feel that it really is unfair on you to be reading this stuff, which may or may not fill you with pity towards me, unless you feel the same way. Anyway, just keep your sympathies with yourself or give it to somebody who needs it more than me. I don't (for the time being). God ! It feels good to type in all this stuff. Really is a good stress buster.

So, until next time goodbye.
And please add yourself as a follower if you like this blog, it would feel nice. Also, leave comments if you wanna say something. And anybody got bout 13 grand lying around i really need a new phone !!

Friday, April 23, 2010

AIEEE

AIEEE, the bigwig is looming large. 25th of this month will see the largest engineering entrance exam in India. As always, the big saps away all will to study. Though i have realised that this one is important and i should study for it, i just can't.

Its just so boring. And strangely, as i come closer to any exam, i lose the will to study for it. Ridiculous isn't it ?? It should be the other way 'round. But still hear i am typing away on my phone. As a way of passing time, i'm reading books i've read already, more than once too. That really is a drawback of having a portable library in your phone. So, advice time: "If unlike me you have any will to get admission into a good college, and have a craze about books, don't install mobipocket reader in your phone."

What's even more frustrating is that these books have long passed the enjoy date. I've read them so much that i don't enjoy reading them anymore. Another thing i'm bored of is surfing the net. So, i'm left with nothing to do but study but i still don't. Now that's determination. Sadly, that determination i don't need and frankly i don't want. But, i'm stuck.

That's all i can say right now. Hope as i'm hoping that i begin the studyin now, though i haven't got much studyin left to do.

ALSO, IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO'S READING THIS BLOG FREQUENTLY, PLEASE ADD YOURSELF AS FOLLOWERS (3 followers looks really bad).

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Free Spirit the second which makes the grade (in my opinion)

Another day has passed
A hundred times again i'm asked
To change who i am

A hundred reasons given
None move me
I still hold on

She asked why i continue living this way lonely
She said she loved me
But why i have to be so strange

Because i live the way i want to
Because i am who i want to be
A hundred scars i carry on my sleeve
But the pain never leaves me
It never leaves me

Like the dream in my head
That refuses to melt
I hold on to mere strands (of hope)
Hoping someday someone understands

No emotions cross my face
She's begging me to change
She'll give me one more chance
I'm sorry i can't lose who i am

I live the way i want to
I am who i want to be
A hundred scars i carry on my sleeve
But the pain still haunts me
The pain still haunts me

Yeah i live the way i want to
Yes i am who i want to be
A hundred scars i carry on my sleeve
But the pain still haunts me
(The pain still haunts me
The pain still taunts me)

politics

It seems that the country is full of stupid people who have all the power. Today, everywhere there's only one name: Shashi Tharoor. The most annoying part is that i can't understand what the big deal is.

Apparently, his girlfriend has some stake in an ipl team whose payment for which is virtually non-existent. So, what the bloody hell has it got to do with him ?? And as always the party people just can't keep sitting on their asses. Everyone wants tharoor's resignation. I mean can't you concentrate on your job (running the country). Instead everybody wants to make the other party look bad. Its not as if he's doing your daughter, or is he ? He must have great stamina to do daughters of about 800 people.

So, we have only one name floating around everywhere on the tv on the newspaper and well thats all but that is everywhere. The only person who seems to have a brain in the whole parliament is being made to pay for it. Yeah i know about his previous twitter controversies and even then i felt that these people are making mountains out of mole hills. A person has the right to free speech, thats what he was trying to do. If a minister of state can't exercise that right, we've got no reasons to wonder why we can't express it ourselves. Everyone exercises it. Look at Prince Edward (king or whatever his name is). Nobody asked him to resign when he asked a woman if she worked at a strip club. Frankly, the two incidents are of roughly the same proportion.

The problem with this country is not us the citizens but it is the members of the parliament. Yeah, i've heard all the bullshit about young honest people not entering politics and stuff. But the bottomline is, nobody would want to enter the arena after watching these dimwits fight it out over a non-issue. I won't. Everybody likes his/her own comfort, when you don't feel the comfort you fight for it. Unfortunately for the country, everybody has that comfort.

Now, we are seeing debates based not on wrong or right but based on party lines. The parties are not even supporting a cause on the basis of right or wrong, they are supporting or not supporting on how a legislation would affect there chances in the next elections.

Let me give an example, the women's reservation bill. Let me tell you i'm against all this reservation shit myself. I mean its a form of legalised discrimination, much like apartheid. But the least illogical reservation i see is that for women. And i believe it should be 50% instead of 33%. Why ?? Because women are the only group of humans who have been discriminated against throughout the history of mankind, started when there was no use of brains no one cared about physically weak people which included women. And these politicians don't want the bill passed because it doesn't provide reservation for women from weaker sections of society. All i can say is Morons, you would have had a point if reservations had succeeded in making the weaker sections stronger. After all, over the last 62 years we haven't moved on at all in terms of the difference in the living conditions. What i mean is that even though the living conditions have improved for everybody, they have improved equally. Maybe not even equally, improved more for the better off. It wasn't supposed to be this way was it ?? The weaker sections were supposed to be equal in all respects to everyone. But the line is still as thick as it was. What's even worse is that this reservations are growing a slight anger within the masses , the "stronger" masses. Well, they have every right to be angry. The effect of quotas is evident everywhere. Incompetent people are getting jobs or places in universities etc while the competent are unemployed. Whats worse is the places left empty aren't given to the competent, the incompetent are trained. Then Mr. Kapil Sibal says, the government doesn't have enough money to educate the masses.

The dimwits in the parliament just don't get it that you can't have people studying straight away in college or jobs, they need to study in schools first. If you reserve seats for them i wouldn't be mad at you and the country won't be mad at you.

What i wanted to say is that the people in power just don't understand their priorities(and they are always asking us youth to understand ours). Their goal is misguided. They work for the party not for the country. Thats the primary reason why this country is heading nowhere. This is the reason that we may never catch up with the united states of america or any other developed nation. Since the mp's work for the party, their actions represent party gain and not the national gain.

Bottomline: something needs to be changed. I can't tell you what or how thats for the great minds to think, i can't come with a solution, albeit i am trying. You should try too. Maybe if everyone tries we can come up with a solution. We are in this together and thats how we will get through it.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

stronger

IITJEE's over and there's only one song on my mind : the broken, beat and scarred by metallica. I sure am hoping that the words "you rise, you fall, you're down and you rise again, it don't kill you, makes you more strong" turn out to be true.

Suddenly i've realised that i have to work hard (no matter how much i deem it inconsequential) if i want a new high-end phone. That thought has certainly been lingering in the deep recesses of my mind, but strangely i haven't given this reason much thought.

When i think about it, it seems these are all i've ever worked for. Even when i was like ten years old, i would study for exams only after i'd make my parents promise that they're gonna buy me a new bat or wickets or other cricket stuff. Once it was for a bicycle even (which eventually rot into oblivion). So, contrary to what i've been thinking lately, this "what reason for studying" thing isn't something that has developed over the past two years, i always had that question.

Anyway, it seems its the end of the line (another metallica song) for iit. What ? I've scored 80 odd marks in the first paper and going by the trends, i'm not gonna score anything more than air 7000 or so (which is of no use). So, i'm wondering if trying for a good aieee rank is worth it. After all, i've got a good chance of getting a good one. I realised today while giving the iit paper. Fucking aits botched up my brain. It made me think i've got no chance for iit. Now i think that if i hadn't had that feeling for the past week and if i had studied the past week, i would have had a good chance of getting into the iit's studying what i wanted to.

Well, thats the past now. Lets see if i can get myself to study for aieee. That's gonna be quite hard though, considering i've got the angel experiment by james patterson in my phone right now.

Also, before i forget i read some books after the boards and they've left me feeling more respectful towards two amazing authors : Tom Clancy and Matthew Reilly. Lets see if i can post some of there books here in a couple of days.

So, i guess thats it. I beg you leave (you can't do anything about it even if you reject my plea) and feeling happier than usual its GOODBYE :-).

Friday, April 9, 2010

victim of changes

I've always rambled on about how this society is so resistive to change. I now realise i'm truly a part of this society.

These started two years ago. Everything used to seem perfect. I had the best friends, the best class, and i thought that the world is pretty much perfect. But that illusion shattered as soon as i stepped into class xi. Suddenly, everything seemed to be a waste of time. And true to it, everything i liked began termed as a 'waste of time'.

Be it my obsession with reading fiction, tweaking my phone, writing songs etc. After all there's nothing more important than studying. So, you have to study all day, all night. Things such as food, entertainment, interests, reading or even sleep are immaterial. So, here i am standing disillusioned with life and hoping upon hope that this all ends as soon as possible.

It seems i am a victim of changes. Loyal to nobody, nothing. I have lost the capability to trust anyone. Frankly, i don't care about anything. I won't mind if everyone's gonna call me a loser or a failure. What else is a person without his or her principles ??

The day after tomorrow is the legendary iitjee. You would expect from a normal person to be immersed in books, giving a final effort to succeed. You would expect me to be completely ignorant about food, water or sleep. But seeing me you wouldn't notice any of that. Hell, me typing away on my phone right now is glorious evidence of the fact that i've got no ambition, regarding this test anyway.

What is so special about the Indian Institute of Technology ?? It is after all just another place where the communist idea of controlled thinking is practised. So, why should it matter where i graduate from ?? And more importantly, why should it matter to the employers from which institution this particular interviewee has got himself brainwashed ??

These are questions whose answers i can't find and i don't think i would ever find. Constantly being reminded that i'm not the ideal student has taken its toll on my mental faculties and i find myself slowly but surely embracing insanity. Constantly being told to study has left me an angry man and probably this anger will never be calmed. I sincerely hope that this experience can help me do something for this godforsaken society.

Sometimes i feel that its my lack of faith that is the reason of my misery. Perhaps, i need to believe to be able to see things with a nice perspective. But, it's the faith that i find hard to find faith in.

The Times of India have started a new supplement on sundays called the speaking tree dealing with these spiritual matters. There was an amazing article by Jug Suraiya regarding God. He believes, quite like me, that we have modelled our Gods as our images rather than the other way around. Just like we are prone to give up our integrity by accepting bribes or other favours, so is God. Thats the reason why everyone flocks to the temples, churches or mosques to pray just before anything important.

To bribe Him. We offer prayers, which are nothing but excessive sycophancy, we offer 'prashad', which is a straightforward bribe. So, in essence the person who recognises this fallacy of religion is the enlightened. Perhaps, this is the reason that every religion's roots are a rebellion against the religion prevalent at that time (which corresponds to atheism)

So, who is the person who is enlightened ?? Its the atheist. The atheist, contrary to popular belief, doesn't downplay God. Instead, he is against the ideas which are preached by religion. He believes that there is a universal governor, but it simply cannot be the God preached by the religions.

Now i'm rambling on. Thats because i'm in the mood to ramble. That means that i'm angry at someone (yeah, my parents). I realise that there's nothing else except asking me to study that they've talked to me about. Maybe my memory is failing me, but i cannot recall them asking me to do something else. Its like they don't care about anything else, and as soon as i feel myself begin to enjoy the moment, they ask me to study. There's no room for extra-curricular activities in my life (something they stress all the time that having some is very important), because i never seem to study enough.

All i can say is, if i have any chance of going to heaven, God won't be able to make me a place where i can enjoy the best moments of my life, because there aren't any.