What a beautiful feeling it is, being loved. It seems if you could freeze that one moment for all eternity, you would, without a second thought. Of course you'd want change (you always do), but you feel invincible to all that could and should affect you at that moment. It's the one thing you ever wanted and nothing else matters. Next thing you know, it's all gone. All you felt proud of, all that you loved.
You're left with nothing but hurtful sweet memories that make you blanch as soon as you're done revelling. You feel cold when you realize you'll never do all the things again that you used to do in your most treasured moments. It may have been beyond your control, what happened, but no matter how much you tell yourself that, you aren't quite convinced. You'll always feel that something could've been done, that it didn't have to end this way.
But end it did and end it had to, because everything ends and there's zilch you can do about it. You start to think that it was inevitable really. Things had started to go downhill a long time ago. There were things you chose to ignore, things you couldn't possibly live with. You were fighting more and more each day, why you broke up was only an excuse. When you're in a relationship, you have to make compromises. How well the relationship works depends on how much you can live with. Sometimes you have to go just too far.
All this time, these past couple of months, I've spent trying to figure out just what went wrong. What could have I done differently. Could I have saved this? The sad answer is yes. If I hadn't been so rigid, if I hadn't been so obsessive about things that shouldn't even matter it could've turned out different. But what's done is done. All there's left to do is move on and hope it all turns out for the best.
All this time, and that's the best I can come up with. That's all the emotional reaction I can cough up. And all I have learned is that I have problems that need solutions before I should start again.
