Wierd day today...I guess yesterday now....Gave a test that I'm quite likely to flunk. Attended a fest that downright sucked in my opinion and well had a dilemna of sorts. Now I can't sleep wondering if I did the right thing. Still I don't feel like the day was a complete waste. WIERD...that's what I'd call this.
There's no simple explanation to why I'm writing this post at 12:32 AM while listening to frigging Steven Tyler croon away Sweet Emotion. I would like to sleep very much but I've failed to do that. I've been tryin since 10:30. There's this endless barrage of questions racing through my head interluded by bizarre, disturbing scenarios. It's a surprise I haven't fainted like what seems to be half the college's guys...
Well, cliched as it is but we gotta learn to prioritise everything we do. We gotta decide where everyone stands in our pecking order. Pretty brutal it is. When you have to choose between doing something you wanna do and hurting someone you love doing that thing. When that someone doesn't like what you're gonna do and at the same time you wanna experience something new. When two facets of your life collide and threaten to tear each other apart. Brutal, absolutely.
I guess I have no choice but to wait for the morning and sort this mess out. I have a feeling there won't be any sleep tonight.
I seem to have regained my skill at painting dark pictures. Is that good or bad I can barely decide....
Moving to the test I mentioned. I don't know what I'm gonna do about this semester. I just can't study. One might say too many distractions but it's just ridiculous that I don't have appetite for a subject I like. It's ridiculous for me at least....My point ? I've lost track where I'm going and I'm losing hope again...I'm beginning to realise my academic performance matters more to me than I make myself believe...I am the cliched Indian student perhaps...
That's all folks...I hope you aren't insomniacs like me tonight and are ready for a good night's sleep after reading all that. Me ? I'll try to find another passtime (not easy as my portable HDD is in somebody else's room...).
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
The ReReturn...
It seems weird writing after all this time....I thought i didn't need
this blog anymore...but somehow i do. Now, I've read a lot of blogs in
the past few months, and i know i have nowhere near the skill required
to write a successful blog. That's probably the reason i stopped
writing this. But i forgot why i started writing in the first place.
It was for me and not because i wanted to be this famous blogger. And
today, for some reason i feel the need to write again.
this blog anymore...but somehow i do. Now, I've read a lot of blogs in
the past few months, and i know i have nowhere near the skill required
to write a successful blog. That's probably the reason i stopped
writing this. But i forgot why i started writing in the first place.
It was for me and not because i wanted to be this famous blogger. And
today, for some reason i feel the need to write again.
Well, things aren't progressing the way i had hoped they would by now.
I feel the old feelings coming back. I spend long periods of time
thinking up insane scenarios. I'm again beginning to question every
fucking thing i do. That's all pretty well, but i don't want to go
back to where i was a year ago. I believed I was becoming a different
person slowly but surely, but now I'm finding myself being pulled back
to the old me and I'm not very enthusiastic about that. I guess you
never really change. I guess that's how we're supposed to complete our
lives, being the person you are.
Of course, everything isn't as horrible as I may lead anyone to
believe. I think this is the happiest I can be at this stage in life.
Things can't get any better I suppose and frankly I don't want
anything to change. Knowing that I can trust someone is absolutely
grand. Very nice and satisfying feeling this. Though it does come with
that little insecure voice at the back of my head.
If I quote paparoach, "Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness, i need
to calculate what creates my own madness", thats what I'm doing. I
think I'm a little too impatient with people. I know everyone has
their quirks, I find it hard to ignore them despite what I might
advise others to do. Quite a hypocrite I am. That is probably the
reason I am the enigma I am. I'm constantly ravaged by this
superiority complex, which apparently everybody born in the year of
the monkey possess. I don't like it. As I recall myself saying today,
people don't like if someone points their faults out. I imagine it's
even worse when you do that yourself....
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