For the past year, couple of years....i don't know how long.....it seems a tape is being played again and again, over and over apparently continuously in my head...."why am i not happy ?? coz i'm incapable of feeling happiness....why am i not happy ?? coz i'm incapable of feeling happiness...." I don't know how correct or incorrect that is, but it seems to be the only explanation.
For a long time i've debated myself, tried to convince myself that someday i'll meet someone who'll make me feel happy. But it doesn't happen. Never has, never will. Its always just a couple of moments of joy and happiness, then i collapse again into this abominable darkness. There's no respite, it seems its been years that i've passed the point of no return. Pity Science can't provide me with a back gear for life, a time machine or something like that....
"The man who could never trust, could never earn the trust of people who mattered." Thats what my tombstone'll say when i die, and how true would that be....
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