this blog anymore...but somehow i do. Now, I've read a lot of blogs in
the past few months, and i know i have nowhere near the skill required
to write a successful blog. That's probably the reason i stopped
writing this. But i forgot why i started writing in the first place.
It was for me and not because i wanted to be this famous blogger. And
today, for some reason i feel the need to write again.
Well, things aren't progressing the way i had hoped they would by now.
I feel the old feelings coming back. I spend long periods of time
thinking up insane scenarios. I'm again beginning to question every
fucking thing i do. That's all pretty well, but i don't want to go
back to where i was a year ago. I believed I was becoming a different
person slowly but surely, but now I'm finding myself being pulled back
to the old me and I'm not very enthusiastic about that. I guess you
never really change. I guess that's how we're supposed to complete our
lives, being the person you are.
Of course, everything isn't as horrible as I may lead anyone to
believe. I think this is the happiest I can be at this stage in life.
Things can't get any better I suppose and frankly I don't want
anything to change. Knowing that I can trust someone is absolutely
grand. Very nice and satisfying feeling this. Though it does come with
that little insecure voice at the back of my head.
If I quote paparoach, "Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness, i need
to calculate what creates my own madness", thats what I'm doing. I
think I'm a little too impatient with people. I know everyone has
their quirks, I find it hard to ignore them despite what I might
advise others to do. Quite a hypocrite I am. That is probably the
reason I am the enigma I am. I'm constantly ravaged by this
superiority complex, which apparently everybody born in the year of
the monkey possess. I don't like it. As I recall myself saying today,
people don't like if someone points their faults out. I imagine it's
even worse when you do that yourself....
No comments:
Post a Comment