Sunday, August 15, 2010

14.08.10

Life's returning to where it always was.....i guess some things are never meant to change. Maybe thats what destiny is. You get something and you gotta live with it. Maybe thats what i'm getting to know now. I'm learning some new things about me, most of them from the most unlikely sources, from me.

There are some things i am accepting now, knowing now. There's a reason why i'm never happy. Because i'm always second guessing myself. Every little thing i do, i can't help but question the morality, the reality and the practicality of the decision i've taken. So what am i ?? A goddamn control freak ?? Maybe thats what i am. I know how i always say i need someone to tell me that whatever i think about myself isn't true, it won't be any use. I would only question it, Aloud or in my head. Is that what destiny is ?? You're given a gift that is really a curse and you gotta live with it ?? I guess it is....If it is then i guess all we can do is hope.....All we can do is hope that we'll someday break these shackles that continue to bind us no matter how much we try to break them.....

Its funny, we're taught all through our life, that to question is healthy, yet i'm regretting this ability of mine. Why can't i take anything for what it is ?? Why not even my own feelings ?? Why a gift is causing me so much agony within me ?? Can this ever be fixed....can i ever learn to love, to understand what i feel ?? What do i have but hope and a nagging feeling that i wont be able to do that by myself....

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