I know what I want !! I know i've made this declaration a couple of times before, and I know i've backtracked more than that but I think I know now.....I've always wondered what I want most in life. What I miss most in life, what is it that will make some sense out of this pointless existence ? My answers have varied from music, soulmate, a girl and what not..... I've always wondered what is it that makes me so incompetent at relationships..... I think I know the answer.
I'm a consummate loner. I have never, probably never will trust anybody with my secrets. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I love someone I just don't trust people. Thats who I am. Thats what I am. I can't change who and what I am. I've spent (wasted) a lot of time becoming who I am, learning what I am, how can I give anybody the right to change me if I don't give it to myself ?? I just can't. I never will. All i'll ever do is hope that someday, someone will understand this and try to understand me.
So, what do I want ?? I want someone who understands that i'm not talkin about myself unless you're asking me something. I want someone who'd accept my need for loneliness. I want someone who would understand when I need to share something. I want someone who has the patience to deal with the impossible habits that I have. I want someone who loves me for what I am. Yeah, thats a lot to ask for. But I keep on hoping and maybe someday i'll be okay, someday......
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